Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Well, here we are again, the school year has ground to a slow halt, like a car without brake pads, a shower of sparks the likes of which have only been witnessed by the lucky few who have seen my husbands family perform their annual illegal fireworks display. This is a treat best reserved for the brave or those with a deathwish who happen to be on a budget. The end of school heralds the beginning of summer. Summer arrives in Florida like retirees at the local Perkins Restaurant, early. At the beginning of the summer, my occupation changes significantly, I magically become the social director of the budget cruiseline known as the Metzner family. It's like a public service position, mentally taxing, very little pay, and cranky clientele. I put in my resume for other positions, like, lady of leisure and professional pool guard. Unfortunately all the positions of that ilk were taken by those who lack their own set of underage howler monkeys. It's a task of monumental proportions, yes; both, the raising of said howler monkeys and their seasonal entertainment. It's as if my children have morphed into upper-crusty members of the ton courtesy of a Harlequin Regency Romance novel; they have perfected the air of cultured ennui. If I didn't know them so well, I might feel sorry for them. Last summer was spent on two sides of a well-known river...the cross-country move. We sacrificed the first 6 weeks of summer break packing our lives into small, cardboard cubes; the second, removing all of our earthy posessions from said cubes. We arrived in Florida with just enough time to find our slapchop (to lose such an important appliance would be criminal, we wrapped that in bubble wrap: linguine, fettucine, martini, bikini! I mean, seriously, it's like Popeye's doing an informercial.) and buy school uniforms. So, I decided to embrace my inner cruise director. I have purposed to find free and cheap ways to make this the summer of fun (The summer of George was already taken.) I have uncovered some gems, and I will keep you posted, mostly on my goal of preventing a daily thrombo, but also on the results of our pursuit of happyness. Let's slap this broad with a bottle of champagne and shove off for A Voyage of Lunacy.